Friday Fictioneers

She watched. She counted. Each drop. Slow. Hitting the rock below with force. So much force. Carving a small indentation over time. Each balloon of water exploding, driving into that which had been created on earth many centuries before. Changing it forever. As she was being changed. By the force. Not expected nor desired. A force created by nature. Man’s natural instinct. She lay trapped underneath, head turned, watching, feeling the erosion. Silently calling out to the rock, I understand. We cannot be saved.



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15 responses to “Friday Fictioneers

  1. That was neat, but I’m not quite sure what is going on. (someone is trapped some where?) The description and the undercurrent of despair were really good though.

  2. Wow, I adore your description. And how it related to the character, and how shocking the situation… It all flowed together so smoothly… ❤

  3. Nice work. Like Craig I’m not sure what’s going on here, but it doesn’t sound too good for the MC. I like the description of the effects of dripping water, the erosion. Or maybe petrification.

    • Thanks for your comment. Sometimes I don’t even know what it going on in my writing. In this one I guess I was trying to portray someone being attacked and raped. Believe it or not I am actually quite a jolly person even though I tend to write from my dark side.

  4. it might be mother earth being attacked and raped.

  5. I write from the dark side too, Lindy, so I liked where I thought this was going, but I didn’t feel it went quite far enough. You hinted at the attack by a man with “man’s natural instinct” but then you seemed to back off with her being “trapped underneath” as if you were going back to her being trapped under the rock. It was so close to perfect, I hesitate to suggest a change, but if I did, I would say “trapped underneath him”. Something to make it clear that it’s actually a short-term trapped, but with much longer-term implications for the characters.
    I’m over here:

  6. This one took a rather unexpected, nasty turn. It shakes us from a rather philosophical viewpoint to one of disgust and shock.

    I’ve written two stories this week, both of which are this-a-way:

  7. TheOthers1

    Interesting story. I read your explanation and I could see that. I find the constraints of 100 words sorely test my ability to tell a good story. I thought you did pretty well. 🙂

    My attempt:

  8. Very interesting…a slow eroding of humanity or by humanity. Disturbing.

    Here’s mine:

  9. Lora Mitchell

    This describes a woman’s worst nightmare…being raped and trapped. Disturbing indeed. Here’s mine:

  10. Madison Woods

    I loved that she called out to the rock in empathy. So I know this is about the girl being raped and the disconnect she feels, and the rape itself is an awful thing – but – I am glad that she is connected in the sense she is to the earth at least. So this wasn’t a completely dark tale to me but one with a glimmer of hope. I don’t know why. That’s just what it left me feeling.

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