Rachel’s Revenge (Friday Fictioneers Jan 2013)

Thanks to Rochelle Wisoff-Fields at http://rochellewisofffields.wordpress.com/2013/01/16/18-january-2013/ for her organisation of the Friday Fictioneers. Every week she posts a photo on her blog and writers from all over the world contribute a short piece of fiction (about 100 words). Come and have a look. Maybe you will get hooked just like I did.

http://rochellewisofffields.files.wordpress.com/2013/01/006.jpg

copyright Rochelle Wisoff-Fields

The shop heaves contents onto the pavement and Rachel barely squeezes through the door. Slivers of light filter through the gaps in the teetering towers that guard the murky windows. Her hip glances the corner of a sideboard and she grabs a tarnished candlestick before it crashes to the floor.

A voice calls out from behind the wooden door at the rear.

‘With you in a minute.’

Rachel’s eyes flit around the room. Her search is over.

According to the morning paper, a customer found the man; at the back of his shop, felled by a blow to his head. Just rewards, some say as victims are encouraged to reclaim their stolen items.

He should have left Rachel’s grandfather at home in his frame.

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20 Comments

Filed under Flash Fiction, Uncategorized

20 responses to “Rachel’s Revenge (Friday Fictioneers Jan 2013)

  1. Quite a tale here… so much story revealed in so few words. Nice job.

  2. This was very good:) well done

  3. Clever! This is nice and descriptive. Way to go!

  4. Nicely done. The bit about ‘just rewards’ confused me a bit. I’m assuming that the man who owns the shop she’s just entered is the man who’s taken back what was stolen from him… or have I got this all wrong?

    • Hi Sandra
      Thanks for your comments. I actually wrote it thinking that the store owner was a fence, selling off stolen goods. I didn’t have a lot of time for editing so it is interesting that there was a small confusion.

      • Ah, I see where I went wrong here. I assumed the next to the last paragraph was still part of Rachel being in the shop, something she’d read in the paper that morning. Maybe if it read “According to the papers next morning….” it would be clearer that the tale had moved on. Sorry for being so dense, I should know better than to read first thing in the morning. 🙂 Nice one, anyway.

  5. “shop heaves contents” – a favorite image.

  6. HI LIndy,
    Really liked your description of the shop. No wonder it’s so stuffed since it’s all stolen goods! Ron

  7. This was different. I loved the first line… I wanted to get in to see what was going on.

  8. “The shop heaves contents onto the pavement…” i’m not sure what this means. i thought maybe the shop blew up and things were thrown through doors and windows. can you help me understand what happened there in that line?

    • Hi Rich
      Yes of course. Sometimes a shop is so full of contents that they seem to spill over onto the road or pavement outside. This is particularly true of second-hand, charity, and similar types of shops in the smaller towns and villages in the UK. So I used this verb’s meaning of ‘to swell or bulge’ in this sentence to describe what appears to happen when there are so many objects that they seem to bulge out of the door.
      I hope that makes this clearer to you and thanks for taking the time to read and question this as I do love to get feedback.
      Lindy

  9. YJ

    I am under the impression that he was caught because of the photo. Very well done.

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