Tag Archives: love

Lockdown Journal April 24th

Tomorrow is the 1st birthday of our little granddaughter and we will be celebrating with her on one of the online platforms. At her age, she doesn’t know that she should be wearing a fancy hat and eating cake but it’s a shame for her parents as they had been planning a huge party in her honour. They are one family of the many we know who have had to cancel celebrations, weddings, and other happy events but there will be other occasions in the future.

For one of my dear friends whose son died today, there won’t be a chance for that future celebration and my heart bleeds for her in her isolation and grief.

So, while I am isolated from my loved ones, I must be thankful that they are healthy, happy and safe within their family homes.

 

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Lockdown Reflection

If I could turn back time and the clocks went back, if I could relive one moment, what would I choose? Maybe…

-that day before my father announced he was going away to fight in a conflict that no one supported. That was the last time I remember my family being truly happy, a time when my mother laughed without reservation and we lived without fear.  We were grateful that he returned a year later but he was changed, someone I did not recognise. We were strangers and from that moment, we treated each other as though a harsh word would cause irreparable damage, treading gently lest we upset the uneasy balance in our relationship. The breach continued until his dying days and found the courage to express our true feelings. Too late for repair but it was the beginning of a bridge, nonetheless.

-either of my two wedding days – the first as a youngster; full of hope and excitement for the celebration itself. Or would it be the second, when I had endured experiences of motherhood and hardship and so, our love for each other eclipsed all the trimmings of the occasion.

-the birth of my daughter – the birth itself I would not revisit willingly – but the nights afterwards in hospital when it was the two of us in a cocoon of getting to know each other. I could not bear to put her down, cuddling my bundle as darkness overtook the room and until the midwives forced me to rest. The hospital chaplain, a friend, crept into my room way past the visiting hours and blessed my gift from God. New feelings ruled my life.

-the birth of my granddaughter – a more recent event and one that has led to a relationship begun during the most meaningful of life’s experiences and connected by the knowledge that my blood flows through her veins. Her curly hair and sense of humour are part of my bequest.

-or would it be the first time my baby granddaughter said, ‘I love you’. My chest struggled to contain my heart that day.

No, if the clocks went back and I could choose any moment, it would be the last time I hugged my precious daughter and granddaughter. This time I would not let go.

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Faces of the Past

Does a person forget the face of a loved one? His smell? Her touch?

I have been selecting photos from the many boxes in my cupboard stuffed with prints from past years for a family event that is taking place this summer.  There are images of those no longer on this earth and the site of those familiar faces cause my heart to swell as I yearn for a chance to hug them just one more time.

The sense of achievement of my toddler’s face when she walked a few steps and the excited face of my child as she opened her chocolate advent calendar at the age of four cause memories to come hurtling back.

Soon she will wear a fabulous dress and pose for many other photographs and I know that these images, like those in my boxes, will have the power to move me like no other form of art.

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