The Man on My Shoulder – Friday Fictioneers

copyright-claire-fuller

photo copyright Claire Fuller

This story is prompted by the above photo and is a flash fiction piece of 100 words (more or less). I write these pieces as a member of a group of writers, the Friday Fictioneers. Rochelle Wisoff-Fields kindly runs the group and you can see hers and many others works by talented writers on her website link at http://rochellewisofffields.wordpress.com/friday-fictioneers.

THE MAN ON MY SHOULDER by Lindy

‘A man watches over you.’

The woman’s odour was overpowering; layers of cheap perfume and overused clothing. She edged closer and whispered in breath so stagnant that I recoiled.

‘You must listen to him; he is trying to protect you.’

I must have taken a step back because she grabbed my upper arm and ordered me to stop.

‘Heed the voice.’

There was an urgency to her words that terrified me. As I fled she forced a business card into my hand.

I was reading it under the street-lamp when the man attacked.

Clairvoyant was imprinted on my dying brain.

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24 Comments

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24 responses to “The Man on My Shoulder – Friday Fictioneers

  1. Sometimes you just have to listen. Nice writing.

    • Thanks for your comments. I love to observe how conversations happen between people and often try to bring that into my stories. Unfortunately it doesn’t always work out very well for my characters.

  2. I like this (in a disgusting way): “The woman’s odour was overpowering; layers of cheap perfume and overused clothing. She edged closer and whispered in breath so stagnant that I recoiled.”

    janet

  3. EW. Yucky. Cautioned, yet it is ultimately used against her. Really good. Can’t think of the right words to express my disgust – in the clairvoyant. Great job.

  4. Oh this is good, I really enjoy reading it!

  5. A really vivid story, and so much covered in so few words.

  6. Dear Lindy,
    It sounds like your MC didn’t have much time to heed. Apt description and good build of tension. Nice work.
    Shalom,
    Rochelle

  7. Geez, poor girl didn’t even have time to take in the message before she had been taken down. Life is kinda cruddy like that sometimes… Good story.

  8. I like two things, the description of the clairvoyant woman and the twist at the end.

  9. Cassandra in the flesh. Good tale. Bad ending. Ill wind barely felt.

    Aloha,

    Doug

  10. Yes indeed, a lot of images in a few words. Good job.

  11. Oh dear. Now, was the attacker the man she saw as protecting him? Creepy story, anyhow.

  12. Should have heeded the warning. Great job.

  13. So many conflicting thoughts, the poor girl needed someone to believe in she could count on, but alas it is too late.

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